Nostalgia
by fadingdusts
Summary: She was something important...she was my everything. And now she's just a nostalgia...Mine in the past. She has a new life...a fiancee. Can I still change eeverything and turn her world upside down and call her mine?
1. crumbled and ashen

A/N: Hey guys! I'm here...again. I'm soooooo sorry for the poor update of my stories. I was just really trying to balance some of my hobbies to keep the stacks from falling down.

So this story is inspired by a song, and tell me if you guessed it after reading it c: It's a really great song, and if you hate it-fuck off. But I hope that all of you would like the story, Thanks.

Okay, so I'm here again to tell a simple story...or you can call it a tale XD And yeah, this is the first time I wrote a Jacob POV-which is really new to me-if some people are wondering. But I really like to challenge myself sometimes to write things I haven't written before.

Enjoy.

10:39 pm, Friday

"Stop trying to make this work!" she shouted at me from the dresser in our room where her duffel bag is, clothes spilling from it as I hardly hear her because of the ringing in my ear which causes me to be dizzy and grasp the door knob.

She took a deep breath while I waited for her to say something. She exhaled and then she whispered, "Because this isn't going to work anymore" she continued her earlier sentences, and the she paused for a moment, staring at the carpet beneath her feet. She composed herfself for a few seconds and then went back to collecting her things around our room-that will be soon called only my room the moment she leaves this apartment-, stuffing them in a bag.

"Bella..." I tried again, for I was hopeless. She flashed a look at me, but then she glared and I stopped speaking. After a moment, I didn't give up, though most half of my brain is telling me to give up already with pity for myself.

"Bella don't leave. I-I promise I would make this work. I would make it better. Just d-don't..." I inhaled suddenly for loss of breath "Please don't leave. I promise I'll be better-"

"Bullshit! How many times do you have to say that?" she jabbed a finger at me, and I did a mental picture of what I was looking right now through her eyes. "How many times did we try to make this work?" she placed a hand on her hip, her voice raising up an octave "I'm tired of making this work. You know, I believed you when you told me last time that you won't ever do it again. And believing you was-it was a mistake. I shouldn't have believed you." She huffed and zipped her bag, after that she pulled on her favorite shoes.

She was clearly focusing on leaving this place, and she wasn't paying any attenion to me. I hated that feeling.

"Please don't go" was all I had escaping from my lips, and that was all I could process within my jagged brain that myself couldn't understand. My eyes welled from tears.

It was a mistake when I did that, and I didn't really mean to do that...to cheat on her.

But I know that she was tired of me, and worn out from all my lies. And I was afraid that she will get over me and leave me feeling like shit.

And because I know that I don't trust myself anymore, I let my brain shut up.

She just sighed and pulled on the straps of her bag to her always fragile-looking shoulder-but not tonight.

She was a fighter tonight, and she was strong...but she was tired. She was strong enough to do this, and she was fighting every weakness she has.

She finally faced me.

"I don't want to leave...you" she whispered, but I heard her very clearly "But I feel like I don't really belong here anymore, Jacob...I don't belong with you. I'm just plain tired of putting up with all your crap. And that's enough for one year of you telling me that we would make it work again...but it's affecting everything that I do.

And I know that you understand me" she continued and Bella stared at me, waiting for my response. Any response...so that she could finally get out from this mess.

But...I really don't want her to leave. I don't want to be without her. I love her...she's my everything. I don't know what to do...where to go...without her...

My insides went cold again as I felt the hollow in my stomach.  
>I cheated on her. I made her cry. I hurt her. I make her lonely. I made her leave me. I made her give up. I made her carry a burden in her shoulders. And I can't take it all back.<p>

"But, Bella...what will am I going to do without you?" I heard myself say as I sound like a child pleading for his mommy not to go, because he doesn't know what clothes to wear tomorrow, or what will he eat tonight at supper.

I felt so small. Smaller than a child. Smaller than anyone ever imagined, I'd bet.

She looked back at me, and all I can see was sadness and pity and thoughtfulness in her eyes. And then I thought she was going to hug me as she leaned towards me...  
>but she placed her hand on my jaw and kissed my cheek.<p>

"You'll be fine." she pulled away. "You'll better be fine" she told me in a serious and firm voice, shaking a bit from her warm tears. "Maybe if you...just do everything right...straight...you'll find the right woman for you. Who will love you much more than I do" She told me, and then I watched her took a last look at our apartment after she walked out the door past through me, not waiting for a reply.

I didn't follow her.

And then she closed the door.

Leaving me with no strenght to run after her, with not enough witt on what I will do next, on what will I do without her...

But I don't blame her.

I hurt her.

I make her cry.

I did this.

I should be the one to be blamed.

It was all me.

All me.

I feel my world crumble as it falls towards me. Leaving me crumpled and ashen to the ground.

Alone.

-  
>AN: End of chapter one. I shall be working on typing the second chapter which is already written in a notebook that I carry everywhere that I go. Just in case a new idea pops up :D<p>

I want to say thanks to my friends who are always there for me and my crazy ideas.

Especially Aki, to whom I read everything in my journal on the phone whenever I feel lonely, desperate for girl talk or just plain bored.

To Alyssa for the undying support on every single thing that I do. Love you. And thanks for the support on my imaginary self customized world that I told you and wrote in our journal c:

To Gab, for everything, and for the style of shitty writing you taught me :D Thanks for the ideas.

And to Giann, for EVERYthing that you've done for me-especially that one thing when you taught me about making the words in my stories more colorful.

And a heaps of thanks to my readers, and the ones who are still adding me to their favorite authors. Merci Bien!

And please, don't forget to leave a review before you go...

Click that review button down there for me, will ya? :)) 


	2. as my crappy heart beats and blows

AN: Chapter 2 is done, and I hope that you liked the previous chapter.

This chapter is longer, and I added some few sentences to my draft to make it a little bit better...I hope.

So I'm kinda rushing this story so that I can publish as many chapter as I can before the week ends, before my summer job starts again. I hope I won't be busy, and that I'll still have enough time to write the other chapters in my drafts while sitting at work.

And again, thank you to the people that are still sticking around, and a special thank you to my good lass Aki. If it weren't for you, this story wouldn't be uploaded yet.

Okay, here goes the second chapter.

Enjoy.

-  
>Chapter Two: as my crappy heart beats and blows<p>

(JPOV)  
>746 days later<p>

9:47 a.m. , Saturday

My alarm clock went again, screaming at my ear and vibrating through my nightstand as it tells me to get up and face another shitty day.

I don't really know why I still set up my alarm clock at night, and still be pissed when I wake up in the morning. I groaned loudly as I snooze it for the 4th time now.

I rolled around the bed, trying ot get some more sleep as my sleepless night dragged my mind and my restless body down.

But as I remember my dream that started off as a very good dream and ends up as a nightmare...I just feel like being sick.

So I shoved myself up form my bed, not bothering to fix up my sheets and the pillows in the floor. I went to the bathroom across my bedroom and splashed my face with cold water, trying to get my mind off awful things that sometimes just comes popping up into my mind.

I headed to the kitchen to look for something to eat for breakfast, but all I saw when I opened the door of my fridge are bottles of beer and expired crackers and cheese with some bottle of ketchup and a gooey white-gray stuff in a glass that is clearly not safe for me to eat. All the drawers were empty of food.

I was out of stock. Well, that wasn't surprising.

A sigh came out from my lips as I got the door key fron the coffee table full of plastic bags and crappy things that I clearly do not want to clean.

Pass the door, I left my car in the driveway, walking a few blocks to a small diner that is my favorite place to put something in my stomach. Anyways, the food is delicious at a cheap price.

"Hey, Jake!" the 16 year old boy, Seth, that's frequently my server here, waved at me, and I waved back and smiled a bit.

Sitting at the counter, I rested my forehead in my arms crossed above the table. I was more comfortable sitting here in the bar stool than one of the many booths here.

"Good morning, Jacob. Why so tired the counter.

I lifted my head and pushed a smile off my lips as I met her face.

"Good morning, Emily. I just...didn't sleep well last night." I admitted to her for what seems like a thousand time to her.

"Like I have to be surprised" she muttered, and I pursed my lips. "Well, here's your coffee...and the eggs and pancakes and some toasts will be up" she grinned at me after a pause.

"Thanks" I said, my throat dry.

I looked around, after sipping the coffee Emily gave me, and suddenly, I saw a small figure behind a booth, sitting alone by herself, having scrambled eggs and sausages.

Her brown hair pulled back into a messy pony tail.

I don't know why I did it, but suddenly, I was off the stool, walking towards the girl as my heart beats faster as I imagine the look on her face when she see me.

Ah, the painful memories came and hit me with a sudden force yet again.

But that didn't stop me. I was hesitant, yet, I couldn't stop myself from touching her. I was araid to call her, worried that I'm hallucinating again for the hundredth time.

I rested a hand on her shoulder, and she quickly twisted her head back to my direction so that her eyes would meet mine.

I gasped.

...in disappointment.

It wasn't her.

It was her friend, that has the few features she has.

Angela.

"Jake?"

I blinked and then looked into reality. I sat down on the couch across her woodenly.

"Hi, Ang" I smiled awkwardly.

"Hey, Jake" she grinned, and it felt like those days when Bella hangs out with her at the apartment. "Are you here for breakfast?" she asks as she sips her hot cocoa.

I was expecting that she would be awkward or something but she was treating me the same as before. But I thought I saw her hand fists into the napkin beside her plate.

I almost forgot what she was asking until she called my name again.

"Oh, um, yeah...I-I come here all the time...when I"-I took a breath-"when I can't find anything edible in my apartment."

She kind of giggled or snickered, but her laugh was a bit wrong as I look at her eyes-a shade a lot darker than Bella's.

"The food here is good isn't it?" she asked, half rhetorically while smiling.

I answered her question anyway "Oh yeah. The people here are also great, too." I smiled as I nodded toward Emily talking and laughing with a customer at the counter as she sat my food down the counter top.

Being able to talk to her again is easy. You know, like breathing air, but as the same time, choking on it.

I can feel the familiarity of her smiles, her voice...that was the almost familiarity with Bella.

After a few minutes of hearing nothing but the noise of the cafe, she finally spoke.

"Jacob, how are you?"

I don't really know how to answer that question. If she hadn't spoken, I would've asked about her bestfriend.

I nodded to myself a bit "I'm fine. A bit tired from last night dreams, but I'll survive" I try that in a tone that's jokingly as possible, but I did not fool her.

She cleared her throat "Um, well, how's the job going? You still an accountant?"

Sadly, I shook my head "No...lost that job last year. They kind of told me that I was getting moppy."

Slight pause "...what do you do now?" she hesitated, and I secretly wonder what she was thinking that I do now. But I know that she was afraid of saying something that'll make me upset.

But her prescence was upsetting enough.

"I, uh, work at some...I'm a saled agent now" I exhaled, and it was clear on my faec that I don't really want to talk about it. She understood me, and didn't push me to say more.

I think she was deciding whether not or to leave right this moment.

And when she opened her mouth, though it's rude, I cut her off.

"How's she? How's"-I took a deep breath-"How's Bella?"

Her eyebrows pulled together for a moment, and then she kind of relaxed.

She even smiled a bit. "She's great. Her life is." she told me, but my look is urging her to go further. "She, um, she moved out from our apartment." she admitted, crossing her arms above the table.

"Huh?" I was a bit confused. Why would she...move out? I thought about that for a second, but then...I was afraid that my guess is true. "Why would she...? When?"

"Um," I could tell that she kind of she doesn't want to tell me this. "I think she moved out...about almost a year after your..." she trailed off suggestively, and I understand. I nodded.

"She, uh, she has a boyfriend." she looked down.

Agony and hurt.

Well, damn. My assumption is right after all.

I'm not going to say that I can't believe it. One year is enought time to forget someone as pathetic as me.

"Oh...really?" I asked blankly anyway.

"Yeah" she sighed absently. "And after she met him...I think...she...she changed. She was happy again when she met Edward"

So she was drowning in misery too, then? Before she met this Edward?

"Was she really sad?" I asked in whisper.

"Yes. But...she thinks that it was the right thing to do." she muttered back. Typical Bella to think that way.

After a moment, she changed into a lighter topic.

"Her job is still good, though. Still a very good pedia" she grinned, and I smiled a bit. "She has her own clinic now" she added.

"That's wonderful. I'm glad for her" she smiled at me.

"This...her boyfriend...where does he work?" I continued.

"Oh, uh, he's a doctor"

Yeah, like I could compete with that.

"Works at a hospital here in Seattle" she continued and I nodded.

"So, Ang, why did she move, really?" I pressed.

There was a very long pause before she spoke again.

"They're umm...they're engaged"

She didn't look at me as she told me this, and so did I.

Ah.

"She's happy though, right?" I asked her, still not meeting her gaze.

"Yes. Very happy." she answered in a light and earnest voice.

I just nodded at her reply.

AN: Another end of a chapter...

But I'm currently typing the third chapter, and writing the fourth. So the next update may not come as quick, but please be patient, thank you c:

And, yeah, for the people who are wondering how old I am...this is just the one time I'm going to say this, but I'm just thirteen years old, but going on fourteen XD

But, yeah, whatever.

Thanks to everyone, still. To all the people who still sticks up with me even after all my crap. Lots of love :*

Oh! and yeah, if you are observant enough, you may see that I used too many 'umm's and 'uhh's in this chapter, and I do not at all know why. Maybe becuse I say that in real life more often thatn necessary. :D

Next chapter coming up!

And please...I'm desperate for comments and whatever thingys you put on reviews...but, I would really want you to leave one. Please, tell me what you think.

Thanks! 


	3. what ifs and her bubble of happinness

**AN: Okay, poor update, and so sorry for that :/ But anyways, I'm here to continue writing, and I feel that I have to improve it…I'm getting lazy at this, and that kind of sucks…so, here I am c: **

**This chapter is JPOV again, and this is a POV that I'm not really used to, so please, readers, leave a review behind. Thanks!**

**So, I'm not gonna delay this any further. Enjoy.**

**(JPOV)**

After Angela was gone, I thought about everything that she told me infront of my untouched breakfast.

She was engaged now. And there's a 50-50 chance that she was happy and I think that's the main important thing.

But…what if she's not…happy? That Angela just doesn't know everything. Maybe she didn't completely forget about me.

Is there a possibility that she's just waiting for me?...

I haven't talked to her since that night…oh! But she texted me one night. I think, 3 or 4 months after that.

She asked if I was okay, and I replied a _'yes'_ with surprise in my face. I took advantage of us talking again, and I said _'Bella…'_ after she said '_Okay. I'm glad.'_

"_Yes?" _she texted back.

"_Please come back" _I was nervous while I waited for her reply, but she didn't anymore.

Her dad visited me a month after that night, and I can tell that he wasn't as fond of me as before and he was very upset with what I did. I was pretty close with him, and he knows my dad, but I can feel waves of disapproval rolling off from him, but he was pretty calm, like he was making me feel that he was expecting the day for me to fuck my relationship with Bella. I don't really know what he wanted, but he talked about things related to relationships and guys stuffs that I can't remember right now. I think he didn't really get to the point, but before he left, he wished me good luck on my life, as if telling me '_Ha! Good luck with your fucked-up life without my daughter, you idiot'_

"Hey, man, I don't-uuh…I don't feel like going to the office today" I told Sam, my office buddy over the phone.

"Um, what should I tell Marcus? The boss isn't usually fond of absent-eers like you" he snickered.

"Well, uh…" I walked back and forth across my bedroom as I try to think of an excuse _**Lightbulb! **_"Oh! Remember my headache yesterday? Tell him that my headache got worst, and that I have a cold because I got wet in the rain." I grinned at my own stupid idea.

"Oh! Yeah, sure! Okay. I'll tell him that" I can hear Sam's smile on the other end of the line.

"Thanks" I sighed in relief

"What are you gonna do, anyway?" he asked and I hear papers shuffle in his desk.

"Just…I'm gonna tell you about it next time, okay?" I scratched the back of my head.

"Okay man. Just…" he hesitated "Just be safe, okay?" he told me in an awkward voice.

"Yeah, I love you too, man, bye" I laughed

"Smart-ass" I heard him mutter before I shut my phone.

I wasn't really sure of what I'm going to do, but I have to see Bella.

But…I don't think NOW is a good idea.

Angela left me her number before leaving. She might have had the idea that I was gonna need it.

I asked where Bella lives, and when she asked why, I told her-innocently-that I just want to visit her sometime, to talk to her.

She was cautious and hesitant as she give Bella's address and I was thinking about doubting the address she's giving me.

And then I found out where her clinic is, and I plan to go there at…maybe 4 pm or something. I don't really know what to say to her, but I just want to see her.

**(BPOV)**

Sid woke me up at 6 am, licking my face as he stands above me, above us and above the covers. Sid rolled around the bed, until he decided to lay and moan in the edge of the bed.

I giggled and closed my eyes as I feel a pair of lips touching my forehead, my nose and then my lips—despite of my morning breath.

"Good morning, sunshine" he greeted me in whisper.

I opened one eye and peeked at his face. Edward smiled at me, and I laughed.

"Good morning" I giggled again and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself tighter to him.

"Why so happy this morning?" he asked in a smooth voice, kissing he top of my head.

"Aren't you?" I grinned against his neck. I kissed his jaw.

"Of course I am. You're here, I'm here"-Sid moaned-"and Sid's here" we laughed, and he pulled me closer still.

"My morning is great. My life's great…" he looked down at me "And my Bella's beautiful. Pretty, gorgeous, brilliant, dazzling, elegant, exquisite…every part is beautiful." He kissed me everywhere, and I was full of joy. I feel cherished, loved.

"And she loves me, too –still unbelievably, though, that I deserve someone as lovely as her" he told me, and smiled.

If I can, I would gladly cry right now and hug and kiss him for dear life.

Instead I tell him "I love you –and if you ever forget that, I'll gladly punch you in the gut. We deserve each other"

"I know" he laughed, and he breathed in the scent of my hair "I love you too"

I love how silly he is in the morning, at lunch, in the evening, always. I love how he's honest and funny and supportive in every way. I love how romantic he is, I love how supportive he is on Sunday drama movies, I love how he is on Sunday drama movies, I love how he's willing to come with me when shopping, how he knows me so well. I love how he's honest and funny and supportive in every way.

We stayed silent for a few minutes while he strokes my hair and I fumble with the neck line of his t-shirt.

Sid's stomach grumbled and we laughed at the same time I stood up, taking his hand.

"Let's eat breakfast"

I cooked pancakes and toasts this morning after we listen to MTV while cooking. Edward sat while waiting, playing with Sid.

"I love Sid's fur more when he was a puppy." He mumbled as I placed his plate on the table.

"So what's the schedule for today?"

"Ummm…" he stared at the ceiling while chewing "I have to be at the hospital by 8. I can do lunch at 1 pm…can you?"

"Yeah, sure"

"Be out at 5 pm"

"I'll be too"

"Dinner at…?"

"6 pm. I'll cook."

"Movie at 9"

"Okay" I smiled "Let's go"

**AN: Okay, the last part was a bit cheesy, I'll admit, but please leave a review, please please.**

**Thanks readers, for still reading my stories c:**

**Please support my other stories if you don't mind c:**

**So I'll update soon.**

**Thank you again.**

**-S.**


	4. the girl with those brown eyes

**AN: Hi reader c: I'm sorry for not updating more often here. Just busy with school and all that. But someone reviewed and that review pushed me to update as soon as I can. So here's chapter 4 c:**

**Disclaimer: All these characters are not mine. Stephenie Meyer owns them c:**

**Chapter 4**

_**(BPOV)**_

I fumbled with my bag as I go on a search for my buried deep cellphone under a ton of thing I came across my bag.

Angela was calling me.

"Hey Ang!" I greeted "What's up?" Usually I don't take calls at 11am but since the last patient left, I allowed myself to.

"Hey, Bells. Good morning" her voice is cheerful, but there's an edge on her voice that was close to worried.

"Um, is there something wrong?"

"I have to tell you something" she told me urgently.

"Okay…"

"I ran into Jacob Black this morning" uh-oh. My eyes widened.

Memories…some horrible, some happy.

"R-really? So, umm"-I took a deep breath-"so how is he?" I hesitated and then drank my coffee with three shaky gulps.

"Good…" it sounded like a question "He looks like crap. He said he didn't sleep well last night."

"How's…uh…how's his job?" I was instantly anxious on what I might hear, and that there may be some problem, or Jacob is-

I drummed my fingernails on my desk as I wait for her response. The beat the only sound around the room.

"He said he lost it." REALLY? "He's a sales agent now, he told me"

"Okay" That was really unexpected. He was really good as an accountant…did he really crapped up his own life just because of what happened to us? "Is that good?"

"I dunno" she mumbled "He didn't say much about his job. By the way, he asked about you."

I inhaled a sudden breath. I forced myself to blurt out the words "What did he said?" I was really under the impression that he was mad at me or something. But what happened is really his fault, and that I should not blame myself for…I just thought that he never want to talk to me.

"He asked 'How's Bella?' and then I told him that you're fine, job'e fantastic…aaand that you moved out."

"Oh…you told him that? Did you tell him about Edward?"

"Yes." She answered slowly, like she was gauging my reaction. "and when he asked why you moved out, I told him you were engaged with Edward…" her voice trailed off.

"Umm…" I'm not really sure what to reply to that.

Instead I said, when I could frame up an coherent sentence "What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything, believe me. He just asked 'she's happy, though, right?' I said yes" she kind of giggled and I smiled a bit because I am really and truly happy.

I exhaled.

I thought about Edward and Jacob in the same space…what would that be? Me and Jacob…we went on our own ways painfully, and I had to leave him. I was happy now, and it took what seems like a very long time for me to convince myself that it was not my fault, and that it was Jacob's. He did that to himself, and maybe I was really not the right woman for him because he…cheated…and that time it was really excruciating to deal with his craps. I didn't know what to do those times, and I always wonder why Jacob would do such a thing, and that he was not the Jacob I knew anymore.

Is there an explanation for that?

That people just suddenly changes? And that everything you love in them would be gone just like a bubble? It's possible, but I didn't think it would happen to us. I loved him. I did everything for him. I don't know what happened…

But things happen…in so many ways…so many mysterious ways that you can't imagine.

I wouldn't be able to meet Edward if it weren't for Jacob's short-comings.

_(flashback)_

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

_I frowned, waking up from my sleep. I hate my phone. It has this…something…option in it that it beeps over and over again every 2 minutes until you read your new message. Sometimes it's really annoying, but sometimes it can be really helpful…or something. _

_I sat up, suddenly wide awake now. It's still early to get ready for work at the hospital. _

_EDWARD CULLEN, the screen read. _

_I met Edward Cullen a month ago trough my new friend Alice. Edward is nice. He's sweet, and he was kind…and amazingly good looking. My first impression of him is that he was a perfect human being that can't possibly exist. Sometimes, when he's talking to me, I get these feelings…like rapid beating of my heart just by looking into his eyes, or just by the sight of him makes me breathless and all that._

**Good morning, Bella c: . I must've waken you up…sorry for that…umm…I just wanted to ask you, would you like to have lunch with me later? I mean, if you're busy I'd understand c: Thanks c: -E**

_Would I accept his invitation?_

_Can I ignore the fact that Edward kind of likes me at the way he looks at me and smiles at me and accept this invitation that can lead to many lunch dates like this?_

_Can I betray my stupid little heart?_

_Edward…is someone that you could easily adore…and I still don't know what to do with myself and with all these relationships…maybe I had a phobia or something about commitments. _

_Could I ignore the fact that I have been hurt before?_

_Even though I was deep in thought all along, I found myself saying yes to this green-eyed beauty._

"_Oh! I forgot my cell phone on my desk!" I bumped my forehead with the heel of my hand softly as I realize this._

_Edward smiled at me, doing the opposite reaction I had been expecting. I kind of smiled back, I think._

"_Don't worry, I'll get it" he made a move to step toward the entrance door for we were outside the hospital now. WHOA._

"_Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait" I grabbed Edward's arm before he made a run for it. He looked back at me, and then my arm, and then my eyes. "Let me take it. Umm, I have something to tell Jessica, anyway…so I'll get it" I hope I don't look like I'm just making that up because I don't really want Edward to do that for me. My cheeks were burning._

_He pursed his lips, but then he nodded. "I'll wait here, then."_

_I composed myself as I got back down after taking my stupid phone at my desk. Jessica laughed a bit at me, but I just batted that away._

_What will happen when I'll be alone with him? I've never been alone with him. Whenever I'm with him, there was always Alice or some of our other friends. _

_Sigh. What the hell am I thinking? Why did I say yes anyway? ARGH._

_Maybe I should…cancel?...What would he say?..._

_When I got down, he was talking to someone on the phone, his back on me. I didn't really want to eavesdrop on him, but when I heard Emmett's name, I decided it was okay._

"_She's kind of distracted…she forgot her phone and all that" Edward mumbled and then sighed resignedly. Are they talking about me? "I'm fine…I'm afraid she's thinking of cancelling on me."-okaaaaay….-"That'll be okay…maybe she doesn't even want to- I'm waiting for her. She got upstairs again…Yes, I would understand her. Thanks Em…okay. Yeah, I really want to spend time with her…okay, bye. Thanks." He put down his phone, and then I backed down a few steps so that he won't notice that I've been listening._

"_Edward" I called and he looked back, startled. As if he was deep in thought. "I got my phone…" I trailed off as I looked deeply into those green orbs of his. I noticed something behind that cheerful façade—he's nervous…and expecting something. I inhaled a sudden gust of breath._

"_Oh, okay." He replied, still kind of waiting for something._

_I sighed. I rolled my eyes internally and grabbed his wrist. "Come on, let's eat. I'm starving" I smiled at him. His grin was dazzling._

**AN: Okay, I had to cut it there. I'm going to update as soon as I can, guys c: Please leave a review. Pretty please :3**

**The next chapter will be half Bella and Jacob.**

**Umm I just wanna say thank you to Aki. She…that girl is just…she motivates me without saying anything :D And of course to Gab and to Paula c: Without them, I should be rotting away somewhere right now XD Thanks you guys! **

**Please leave a review! I'll appreciate it :D :*****

**-S.**


	5. their beginning

**AN: Hi again c: So this is Chapter 5. Originally, this isn't included in this chapter, and in my messy and crappy draft, the flashback in the last chapter should be a cut…but I decided that I had fun typing Bella's POV in the last chapter, and it was nice to introduce Edward and it was really nice to write on how Bella felt while with Edward.**

**The beginning of this chapter is the continuation of the flashback Bella had…and I hope that you enjoy it c: And also, I MIGHT take up an EPOV..just for good measure :D Thanks, guys!**

**I'll update as soon as I can!**

**ENJOY!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, or any of Stephenie Meyer's characters…I wish I do but… XD…**

**Chapter 5: their beginning & stalking someone is a weird thing**

**(BPOV)**

**(Continuation of flashback)**

_There's this restaurant that I've never noticed before. It's at the un-busy part of the city, and that made it interesting, considering that Edward drove us to its parking lot. He told me it's Italian, and I could see it in his eyes that he was really hoping that I would like Italian food. Lucky for him, I love pastas._

_There are times that it shocked me how Edward reads me so quickly. How my expression registered to him so easily, translating it to a thought that I had just by looking at him._

_He was an open book too…but not always. There were times that when I looked into his eyes, I could see something buried deep within, but I just can't translate it. He was good at that…while I just blushed over and over again, revealing my thoughts._

_I think he's just really observant. He notices everything that I do, and then tell me afterwards when it comes in handy, or when we're just commenting about things or talking about each other's lives._

_The lunch went a lot nicer than I thought, and I found out that it was easier being alone with Edward than being around with our friends. He made me laugh…and admittedly blush a lot, he asked about what I want to do in the future…but never asked me about my past. I wonder why…usually new friends ask a lot about your past. Edward is different._

_I also noticed so many different things about him…now that we're alone, I could appreciate him more, could see a lot of things about him that I didn't see before._

_Like when he's laughing, there's this strange thing—a glint in his eyes that made it more fascinating. That mess of a hair on top of his head looked so shiny and soft as the light from the window cascaded over it. His elegant neck, pale but radiant just like his skin. The skin in his cheeks, his whole face had a soft curve to it, though the bones were prominent—I wanted to stroke it. His lips, a pair of full pink lip were perfect as it parted over his white teeth as he smiles. He likes coffee, and he wipes his silverware with the napkin before he uses it, he unconsciously taps his fingers into the table, as if playing a piano that made me ask him if he plays, and he was really neat. _

_He just takes my breath away._

_It took for what seems like a very short hour for us to finish our lunch. In truth, as I realize this on our way back to the hospital, I wanted to spend more time with him. Not just because I was lonely, and that I was betraying my feelings to fake happiness. I began to feel happy again…and alive in my chest. My smile was effortless, and that made me feel comfortable being with him._

_He held the car door open for me, and I smiled up at him._

"_Thank you…for lunch" I told him earnestly. I know he could see through me, and that I was still scared about this thing. About whatever is it between us, and I was glad that he didn't push me._

"_You're welcome" he said, almost breathed._

_I took a deep breath as I took hold of his face, and leaned his towards mine._

_I asked myself before I did this._

_Am I sure?_

_**Of course you're sure.**_

_Shut up voice._

_**No you shut up. Open your eyes wider. See? He's here for you. He's doing everything he can for you, that's why he's not pushing you…because he's ready to wait for you.**_

_You don't know that yet, voice. Shush._

_**Whatever. You wanna bet? I'm gonna win, and I tell you this, woman, this is the one you're looking for. Like you don't know. You're just afraid so you won't admit this to yourself.**_

_Please be quiet. *groan*_

_Okay, this is crazy. I'm talking to myself._

_I shook my head, and that's when I placed my lips on his cheek, just beside his mouth as I could not reach any higher without standing on my toes._

_I could feel his blush, could feel the warm blood as it ran up to color his face. He smiled, and I got down on my heels again. I stroked his cheekbones before letting my arms fall beside me._

_He grinned at me, and then said thanks for the lunch, his face still pink...and I was flattered that he reacted that way by just one simple kiss on the cheeks._

_*..*..*..*..*..*..*..*.*..*..*..*..*..*..*..*..*_

Honestly, if you asked me now on what I think of Jacob meeting Angela...I would tell you; I don't have a freaking idea on what to react or on what to really think.

Maybe it's just that I haven't really heard from Jacob since like...I dunno...like a year or something, and that I'm freaking out because I'm afraid that something's gonna happen, and that my bubble of happiness right here, right now is just going to burst.

"Do you want to talk to him?" Edward asked, his voice breaking me out of my reverie. He looked at me intently. "Just to ask how he is...It's been...2 years?"

"Umm..." I shook my head to clear some hazy thoughts "Yeah, I think something like that...I'm not really counting" I admitted.

Edward and I were at the same Italian restaurant we went to on our firs lunch date.

Even now, I can't believe that he was so generous and unselfish like this while convincing and trying to help me sort out my problems, even with Jacob on the scene. I told him the not so pretty ending of mine and Jacob's in the past, 5 months after Edward and I met.

"So?" he pressed

"I-I don't know..." I sighed, and dropped my fork on my plate. "Maybe I shouldn't..."

He was quiet for a while, and I know that he was thinking, too. But suddenly he smiled an encouraging smile, and I've seen that in his face a hundred times, letting me now that he'll always be there whenever I need him. I reached for his hand across the table and held it tightly, like I needed an anchor, though I don't know why I'm this upset...maybe Jacob just really wanted to know how I've been.

"Do you think...he still loves you? After all this time?"

I was startled by his question.

I don't really ask myself questions like that. Mostly because I don't really want to remember what Jacob did. I don't really want to worry if he's over me...

I shrugged "I honestly don't know. I feel like I don't really know Jacob that much." I admitted "But...I really wish...not." I added in a small voice, and Edward's gaze snapped up to my face which is looking down.

He smiled a bit, and he nodded. He stood up and sat beside me and hugged me tightly to his side. He kissed the top of my head and whispered his love for me.

**AN: Okay, sorry I had to end it there, guys. I know it's really short, but I'm not really free of time right now...though I have my sembreak /sigh :DD but please don't forget to leave a review c; I will really appreciate your thoughts c:**

**I'll updater as soon as I can, reader...and I hope that you will all support me 'til the end c:**

**Umm...and thank you again to my dear friends :DD especially Aki and Paula. I get my inspirations and ideas from these very supporting duo XD **

**And yeah, I almost forgot...my other story – always a loving brother will soon be continued. I'll write a draft in a paper or something when I'm away XD I know that that story has been a serious hold up XD And uh, yeah, guys, I've been planning on doing a lemon account...twilight rated m, of course, but I can't do a draft on that XD But, when I finish this story and my other story...I think I might be able to do that :DD Thanks!**

**THANKS!**

**-S.**


	6. Realizations and Thoughts

**AN: Hi guys c: So this is chapter 6…I'm kind of trying to rush this…because my other story is been in a hold up…and I kind of want to finish that earlier for another story too…before our sembreak ends…which I know I won't make it XD**

**But, other than that…here's chapter 5 and thank you for still reading this story…if ever there's anyone.**

**NOW PLAYING: Heavy in your arms by Florence + The Machine**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own twilight, I do not own Stephenie Meyer's characters. All I own is this document and this plot.**

**Enjoy c:**

**~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~**

**Chapter 6: Realizations and Thoughts**

**(JPOV)**

I know that I hurt Bella.

But what if I can make her come back?

What if she'll love me back too?

I have to find out.

*189 minutes later*

I had my car parked at the street across Bella's clinic as I wait for the 5:00 pm closing time. Just half an hour to go.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do, or what am I gonna tell her…but I'm not showing myself to her today…or tonight. That was my plan.

Bella's assistant came out first, switching the lights on outside Bella's clinic in advanced for the night. Her assistant came inside again and the after a few minutes, Bella came out.

I felt my heart ache and pound twice in my chest as I look at her for the first time in two years.

She's beautiful as ever…but she was glowing. She looked really happy. More than any happier than I've remember seeing her. I inhaled a sudden breath.

She was smiling and laughing as she talked to her assistant while they closed, talking about how adorable her last group of little patients she had that said goodbye to her an hour ago.

I followed her car to where she was living. To where the address that Angela gave me.

The house was simple. But it was very modern-looking. Two floors with a green porch and a parking way for two cars under the balcony of the second floor in a quiet subdivision.

This must be her fiancee's house.

There was another car—a Mercedes—in front of Bella's car as she parked it.

She got down silently from her car, getting her bag and her white coat from her black Volvo, her heavy brown silky locks bouncing on her back as the light from the soon hidden sun hit her soft porcelain- shaded skin.

And then Bella was gone as she went inside, a smile on her face.

**(BPOV)**

"Bella" Edward breathed as he pulled me into the circle of his arms.

I smiled and looked up to meet the emerald color of his eyes that I love most "Hi"

"Hi" he laughed at my greeting, but then I yawned.

His lips turned down "Are you tired? I can cook dinner if you want" he offered as his arms supported me down the counter stool.

"Okay" I wasn't really quite tired.

"Carbonara sounds okay?" he asked, taking my hand, raising his eyebrows.

"Of course" I laughed. It was my favorite.

As I wait, I took a bath, thinking of random things, but not letting Jacob dig through my mind. I feel like that's more than enough. I should be mad at him.

So I think about Edward instead. Of what would it feel like living in Chicago where he was born and raised, of how delicious his Carbonara always tastes like. What are our plans for Christmas? Maybe I could visit Charlie. He will love that. When will our wedding will be? What should I give him for his birthday? What—

I was interrupted by a knock and a "Bella"

"Yes?" I called back, turning off the shower, stepping out and wrppaing myself in a fluffy towel.

"Angela called" Edward told me behind the door.

"What did she say?" I stepped out from the towel and changed into undies, leggings and a t-shirt of Edward.

I opened the door, and he was sitting on the bed, waiting for me. I snuggled slowly into his lap and inside his arms as he kept me warm.

"Do you want to drink tonight?" he asked, rubbing my back with soothing circles.

"Umm…with who?"

"Angela, Ben, Alice and Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett will probably come too" he grinned at me "It's Saturday tomorrow" he chuckled.

"Sure" I yawned, suddenly feeling sleepy after taking a hot bath. I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes.

He kissed my forehead "Let's eat first, okay? Before you take a nap"

I smiled in agreement.

**(JPOV)**

I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I seemed obsessed on what I was doing—stalking Bella.

Maybe if you asked me again, I would say yes if you told me whether I still love Bella or not. If you asked me that question 4 months ago, I would've shouted random things at you and do a tantrum. 2 months ago, I probably would've walked away as soon as you said that. But not now. I knew in every part of me that I still want her. I don't know why, but maybe because some part of my crappy self still hoped and is still holding on to Bella that I won't admit.

I know what I'm planning is a very long shot, but I can't find it in myself to back down.

It's pretty pathetic, I admit. But I couldn't help imagining Bella again…this time with me.

_**(flashback)**_

_I've been noticing this. Listen._

_It's been 3 months that Bella and I have been together and when it comes to this;_

"_I'll see you later at 12 pm, okay?" I asked. We were having lunch, and I'm dropping her now on the hospital._

_She smiled at me "Yes" I leaned down to kiss her cheeks, and she blushed after I pulled away._

_She staggered while getting the door open, and I almost forgot._

"_Bella" I called and she looked back before closing the passenger door "I love you" I told her._

_I don't understand her expression when I say that to her. I've been watching her expressions and learning and translating them for the past 6 months, and I still can't do this one. _

_On this one, hey eyes would become a bit out of focus, and will swim a bit. Her mouth will press together and her jaw will clench._

_I know the next move very well._

_She will smile timidly, as if saying thank you, and then she will nod with her right hand on her neck or clenching her hair…and then she will turn and walk away._

_Is she afraid to tell me she loves me too?_

_I mean, I know she loves me…um, wait…what? Okay, let me rephrase that. I don't know how much she loves me. Does she love me enough? Does she love me as much as I love her?_

_I don't want to ask her a question about that, because sometimes I feel like she's not here with me. It's like she's a thousand miles away from me sometimes._

…_. …._

"_Bella, I'm not pushing you…you know that, right? If you don't want to reply to what I'm saying, it's okay. I just want you to know." I told her one night._

"_I know" she mumbled, tightening her hand around her arms "Thank you for understanding"_

…_._

_It never came to the part that she told me why she can't say her love to me, but yes, I can feel it as months passed, and she just whispered it to me one night before she slept, and I felt like flying._

_But after three months, things with me became the reason why Bella didn't say that three words again. I cheated, and I didn't know why I can't stop._

_She weren't in love with me as I was with her, I know that. It's been a month now after the night she told me she loves me too. She has many things in her mind, and it was being her distraction to not think of me more often, and maybe that's why I became looking for some other women Bella's beauty can surpass every single thing they had. I think I became kind of depressed at the thought she was being so busy deep in me, and that was the reason, but I didn't blame her for any of it. Bella tells me she loves me, makes me feel like it, but we never did it in bed. She told me she wants to do it after she's married, and pled that I was to understand her._

_I nodded, completely alright with the idea, because I knew she was the one…but it all came crashing down._

_She has many dreams in life, and we both know that she can reach and get any of that, and it was always set on her mind that her dreams and goals and aspirations and all that are number one. She was not sold to the idea of being married yet._

"Ahhh" I groaned "Fuck this piece of crap!" I shouted inside my crappy car, which won't start, though it has gas and all that. Ugh!

I watched as Bella and her fiancée roam around their house for the last 35 minutes.

It appears they are going out, and I asked myself; Am I going to follow them?

Yes.

I saw Edward come out first, opening the driver's door before opening the passenger side as Bella locked their house. Bella told him something, he smiled and nodded, closing the car without getting in.

He took her hand, meeting her at the porch and they walked to wherever they were going.

Might as well wait for a few minutes.

Here's the thing. I didn't blame her because of this—she told me she wasn't really ready for a relationship yet, and she knew that being in a relationship can cause some problems that will concern her while working…all of that. She said her mom's relationship with her dad and her two boyfriends didn't really work out well, and she has this some kind of fear or commitments. But look at her now. She's getting married! Just two years, and she already made up her mind. Why? I wanted to badly ask her that. One of the many reasons why I want to talk to her.

The bar they were in has this dark corner that has sofas for couples that wants to make out and for loner people who wants to get drunk. I sat there with a beer, and watched them from afar with a few friends.

**(BPOV)**

"Let's walk"

"Walk?"

"Yes"

"To the bar?"

I rolled my eyes "It's near. C'mon"

"You alright with that?" I nodded "Okay" he chuckled, and then he took my hand.

Sometimes, often times, when we're just like this—walking down in a street and looking at the sky or the stars—I always look at Edward more closely, or pretend that our time is in slow motion and think of many things, or sometimes…I dunno, just talk or be silent with him. I love walking with him, because it kind of stops our time, and to remember that we don't have to rush and that we have all the time in the world to just be with each other.

He was the one talking, telling me some story Esme—her mother—told him about when he was young. About some bed time story about the moon and some song about pizza pie and the moon hitting your eye. I laughed at that, because it sound silly and the next was about an eel biting a cheek when you swim in a creek…or something.

"We don't have to rush, you know. We can think about it slowly and we can take a little more time if you want" He told me in the silent whisper of his voice as the wind blew past us. He is talking about the wedding.

We still don't have an exact date yet, but we're planning it to be this year. He knows me, and he wants us to take it slow, but he said he really wanted to give me the ring. It was okay for me, and I think I'm not really ready yet to walk to the altar…but this is Edward, and I'm sure about him. He thinks he's rushing me now, and he's not.

"I know we don't have to" I replied, tightening my hand around his "The wedding…I'm not really sure. But I do want it, and I'm one-hundred percent sure about you" he smiled at me "Soon…but not as soon" I admitted, and he nodded. We had talked about this.

"You don't have to wear the ring. I just wanted you to have it, that's why I asked you" a laugh shook through him silently. "The wedding…it doesn't have to be this year. I want it to be perfect, and I want you to be sure"

"Oh, so you're a perfectionist now, huh?" I teased him

He nudged me in the ribs and I squealed away from him. He laughed and then he pulled me close again "You could've just given me the ring, ya know. I would've hidden it in the deepest depths in my closet" I laughed, he pouted and then gave him a serious answer. "I'm sure…just…not that soon. I want us to settle down more a bit…have a few more permanent things."

He nodded "I understand…and I want the same thing too"

"Hh-hmm. We'll know when is the right time" I grinned at him and he kissed my forehead.

**AN/: Okay, that ended there and I'm sorry for the poor update of this story. I just got busy and all that -_- /sigh I don't really want to be busy, and our internet connection is temporarily down right now while I'm typing this, but if you are now reading this (if you are even reading this) wi-fi's okay now XD Aww, I wish I could fast forward to the future so that I can surf the net already *puufffs* **

**So thank you again for reading this new chapter, and thank you for still reading my story. Just please be patient and bear with me. I try as much as possible to get out of my semi-hiatus at least four times a week XD And I have plenty of stuffs to attend to c: THANK YOU!**

**So the wi-fi's down, so I'll probably write chapter 7 after a day…but Halloween's sooooo near, and we have to go to the cemetery on Nov 2…soo…I'll try to write a draft for you guys c: See how much I love you all? XD**

**But don't forget to leave a REVIEW. You know how they make me smile c: And, um, for the latest reviewer…umm..HI c: THANK YOU FOR THE MANY REVIEW XD I REALLY APPRECIATE IT AND IT MADE MY DAY C: BUT, DON'T HATE EDWARD THAT MUCH, BC I REALLY LOVE HIM AND AS MUCH AS I LOVE TO KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS….YEAH, IT WOULD BE FINE C: THANK YOU!**

**That's all guys c: Thanks again. Please leave a review! :*****

**-S. **


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